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Domestic Violence Dynamics

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Abuse Checklist

Making the Right Choice

Do you know that you have to make a choice but want to make sure you make the right one? Answering the questions on the list may help you gain more understanding of your situation, “the list” is questions only you can answer. The answers are sometimes hard to face, but necessary.
These are important steps to determine if you are in a violent relationship.
The point is – to live . . . without fear . . .

The patterns of abuse go full circle again and again . . .

The following list is about patterns when it comes to domestic violence. No one is perfect, but when there is unbalance and unhealthy boundaries much pain results. Accountability can be safe in a healthy relationship, but dangerous in a violent one.


Answer These Questions


Does or Has Your Partner Ever:

  • Lied to you about previous relationships?
  • Embarrassed you and put you down out of meanness?
  • Purposely acted in ways that scared you?
  • Used control or manipulation to keep you from your family or friends?
  • Put down your accomplishments or goals, and made you ask permission to do anything?
  • Controlled the money and took away any financial freedom or decision making?
  • Told you that you cannot make it without him, kept you from working or tried to get you fired?
  • Told you you’re a bad parent or threatened to take away or hurt your children?
  • Destroyed your property?
  • Threatened you, verbally, with a raised fist or object?
  • Threatened or handled your pets showing intent to harm, to scare you?
  • Treated you roughly by grabbing, pushing, pinching, shoving or hitting you?
  • Following abusive behavior have told you it is your fault?
  • Threatened you with weapons such as guns or knives?
  • Had people watch you and knows where you are at all times?
  • Pressured you sexually for things you aren’t comfortable with doing?
  • Told you there “is no way out” of the relationship?
  • Threatened to commit suicide?
  • Threatened to kill you or your family?
  • Told you that you cannot ever leave and if you do he will hunt you down?


The list is a part of the pattern . . .

The number of yes answers to the list are important. Not easy to accept or admit when they reflect the stress you have lived in and under. When a friend of mine reached out and sent me a website about domestic violence, I looked at it once. It took me a year to go back and be willing to learn that it was no secret what was happening to me.


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